Happy Venereal Disease Day !!!!
Dear Friends,
Last year I sent out my first Happy Venereal Disease Day e-mail and since it was such a hit, I decided to make it a yearly event.
So here are some thoughts on this special day…
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE SINGLE…
50% percent of all marriages end in divorce.
FOR THOSE OF YOU IN A LOVING COMITTED RELATIONSHIP…
50% of all marriages don’t end in divorce.
GIFT IDEAS…
Perhaps a poem would do the trick like Britney Spears did to commemorate her honeymoon… “A meal, a shower and some ice cream/Then I threw my man down, you know what I mean!”
I wrote my own poem called “A Heart Full of Blood”
A Heart Full Of Blood by Andrea Alton
Yesterday I woke and my heart was full of blood
It used to be filled with love but now it’s full of blood.
Why does it bleed?
This is a work in progress so if you have any ideas please send them my way…
SOME FUN FACTS ON STD’S….
One in two sexually active persons will contact an STD by age 25.
The estimated total number of people living in the US with a viral STD is over 65 million
SEX…
“If you’re single and looking for sex on Valentines Day, your odds increase by 50% on February 14th.” www.cnn.com..okay, that’s a lie but I wanted to give some of you hope.
For anyone reading this under 20…oral sex does count as sex. It’s weird but true.
INSPIRATION…
My parents have been married for 40 years come this August. While that’s admirable, I find the following people have inspired me over the past year…
Britney on why she married Kevin in Details Magazine “Nothing gets to him ... Not my man. And that's why I married him, because he's not a shallow motherfucker Hollywood actor-guy.”
Paris Hilton because she lives her life with such a clueless selfish abandonment.
Tom & Katie because although I may be single, I will never be that weird.
IF YOU’RE SINGLE AND THOUGHT YOU’D BE MARRIED BY NOW…
Congratulate yourself on not settling. You could be married and spending the day with someone who irritates you beyond belief. Someone who’s breath puts you on edge and who’s near presence makes you want to vomit.
MY FAVORITE VALENTINES DAYS…
When I was in 5th grade at Eastwood Elementary I was dating an older man, Sean Byzantine, who was a 6th grader. For V day he gave me an 8 inch Stuffed Snoopy Dog that had a red ribbon around its neck that said “I love you,” which turned out to be a crock of shit because he dumped me when he went to Junior High. (I now realize this is the exact moment I became bitter towards men.)
In Sixth Grade, Nick Something asked me to be his girlfriend while we were on Safety Patrol. It lasted two weeks and he never got me a gift since he asked me on Valentines Day but it was still a pretty magical day.
But my all time peak came in 8th grade when my boyfriend Eric Watkins (his friends called him Twatkins) gave me a gold necklace with a heart on it. (He stole it from his dad’s pharmacy) I wore it day and night and two months later it turned into a moldy shade of green but I didn’t care because I was in love.
MY MOST ROMANTIC VALENTINES DAY…
When I was 23 and living in LA. My neighbor, Luis, looked at me with lustful eyes and said “I want to git with you.”
Then four years ago in New York when I was sitting in an Irish Bar next to a drunken construction worker who said “We could be fucking now.” Geography proved to be a deal breaker because I wasn’t going to Yonkers and he wasn’t the type of guy I would allow on my Calvin Klein sheets.
So with that said, I’m looking for a Valentine. Preferably someone who isn’t married or a closeted homosexual…oh what am I saying, I don’t care. When you peaked in Junior High one can’t be to picky.
Happy Venereal Disease Day! I love you all and am happy you’re in my life!
Love,
Andrea
Dear Friends,
Last year I sent out my first Happy Venereal Disease Day e-mail and since it was such a hit, I decided to make it a yearly event.
So here are some thoughts on this special day…
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE SINGLE…
50% percent of all marriages end in divorce.
FOR THOSE OF YOU IN A LOVING COMITTED RELATIONSHIP…
50% of all marriages don’t end in divorce.
GIFT IDEAS…
Perhaps a poem would do the trick like Britney Spears did to commemorate her honeymoon… “A meal, a shower and some ice cream/Then I threw my man down, you know what I mean!”
I wrote my own poem called “A Heart Full of Blood”
A Heart Full Of Blood by Andrea Alton
Yesterday I woke and my heart was full of blood
It used to be filled with love but now it’s full of blood.
Why does it bleed?
This is a work in progress so if you have any ideas please send them my way…
SOME FUN FACTS ON STD’S….
One in two sexually active persons will contact an STD by age 25.
The estimated total number of people living in the US with a viral STD is over 65 million
SEX…
“If you’re single and looking for sex on Valentines Day, your odds increase by 50% on February 14th.” www.cnn.com..okay, that’s a lie but I wanted to give some of you hope.
For anyone reading this under 20…oral sex does count as sex. It’s weird but true.
INSPIRATION…
My parents have been married for 40 years come this August. While that’s admirable, I find the following people have inspired me over the past year…
Britney on why she married Kevin in Details Magazine “Nothing gets to him ... Not my man. And that's why I married him, because he's not a shallow motherfucker Hollywood actor-guy.”
Paris Hilton because she lives her life with such a clueless selfish abandonment.
Tom & Katie because although I may be single, I will never be that weird.
IF YOU’RE SINGLE AND THOUGHT YOU’D BE MARRIED BY NOW…
Congratulate yourself on not settling. You could be married and spending the day with someone who irritates you beyond belief. Someone who’s breath puts you on edge and who’s near presence makes you want to vomit.
MY FAVORITE VALENTINES DAYS…
When I was in 5th grade at Eastwood Elementary I was dating an older man, Sean Byzantine, who was a 6th grader. For V day he gave me an 8 inch Stuffed Snoopy Dog that had a red ribbon around its neck that said “I love you,” which turned out to be a crock of shit because he dumped me when he went to Junior High. (I now realize this is the exact moment I became bitter towards men.)
In Sixth Grade, Nick Something asked me to be his girlfriend while we were on Safety Patrol. It lasted two weeks and he never got me a gift since he asked me on Valentines Day but it was still a pretty magical day.
But my all time peak came in 8th grade when my boyfriend Eric Watkins (his friends called him Twatkins) gave me a gold necklace with a heart on it. (He stole it from his dad’s pharmacy) I wore it day and night and two months later it turned into a moldy shade of green but I didn’t care because I was in love.
MY MOST ROMANTIC VALENTINES DAY…
When I was 23 and living in LA. My neighbor, Luis, looked at me with lustful eyes and said “I want to git with you.”
Then four years ago in New York when I was sitting in an Irish Bar next to a drunken construction worker who said “We could be fucking now.” Geography proved to be a deal breaker because I wasn’t going to Yonkers and he wasn’t the type of guy I would allow on my Calvin Klein sheets.
So with that said, I’m looking for a Valentine. Preferably someone who isn’t married or a closeted homosexual…oh what am I saying, I don’t care. When you peaked in Junior High one can’t be to picky.
Happy Venereal Disease Day! I love you all and am happy you’re in my life!
Love,
Andrea
posted by Star Alton @ 7:28 AM
0 comments
